How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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