How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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