How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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