How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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