How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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