How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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