How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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