How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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