How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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