How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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