How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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