How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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