How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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