How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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