How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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