How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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