How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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