How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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