How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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A seal walks into a club...
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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