How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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