How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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