How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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