How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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