How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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