How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.


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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to

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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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