How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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