How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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