How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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