How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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