How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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