How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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