How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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