How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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