How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop

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