How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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