How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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