How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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