How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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