How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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