How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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