How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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