How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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