How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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