How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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