How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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