How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.

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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?

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