How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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