How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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