How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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