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How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why was the math book sad?
It had too many problems.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?
A workaraunt.
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How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the g
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?
In his trunk
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?
Super Pickle!
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?
Stop! You're under a vest.
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