How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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