How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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