How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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