How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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