How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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