How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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