How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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