How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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