How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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