How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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