How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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