How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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