How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

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