How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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