How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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