How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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