How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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