How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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