How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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