How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".

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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .

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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.


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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday

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