How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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