How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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