How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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