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How can you tell that a train just went by?
It left its tracks.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?
Half a worm.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?
Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?
In Washington, D.C.
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Why did the computer squeak?
Someone stepped on its mouse.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!
If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,
but I don't want one of them for my husband".
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Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery
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