How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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