How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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