How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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