How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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