How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!

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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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