How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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