How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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