How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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