How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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