How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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