How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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