How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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