How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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