How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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