How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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