How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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