How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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