How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.

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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.

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