How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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