How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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