How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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