How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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