How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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