How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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