How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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