How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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