How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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