How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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