How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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