How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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