How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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