How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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