How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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