How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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