How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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