How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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