How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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