How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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