How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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