How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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