How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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