How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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