How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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