How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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