How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).


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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas

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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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