How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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