How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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