How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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