How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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