How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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