How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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