How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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