How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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