How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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