How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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