How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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