How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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