How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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