How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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