How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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