How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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