How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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