How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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