How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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