How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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