How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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