How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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