How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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