How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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