How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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