How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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