How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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