How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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