How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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