How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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