How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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