How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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