How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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