How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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