How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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