How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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