How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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