How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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