How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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