How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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