How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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