How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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