How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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