How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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