How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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