How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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