How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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