How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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