How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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