How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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