How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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