How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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