How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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