How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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