How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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