How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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