How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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