How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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