How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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