How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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