How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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