How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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