How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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