How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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