How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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