How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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