How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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