How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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A seal walks into a club...
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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