How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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