How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk

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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.

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