How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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