How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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