How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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