How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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