How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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