How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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