How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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