How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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