How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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