How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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