How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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