How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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