How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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