How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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