How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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