How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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