How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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