How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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