How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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