How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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