How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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