How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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