How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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