How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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