How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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