How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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