How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.

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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck

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