How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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