How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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