How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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