How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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