How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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