How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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