How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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