How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.

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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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