How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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