How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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