How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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