How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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