How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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