How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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