How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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