How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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