How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.

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