How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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