How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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