How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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