How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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