How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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