How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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