How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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