How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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