How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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