How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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