How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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