How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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