How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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