How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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