How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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