How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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