How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

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