How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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