How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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