How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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