How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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