How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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