How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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