How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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