How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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