How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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