How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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