How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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