How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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