How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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