How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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