How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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