How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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