How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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