How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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