How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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