How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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