How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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