How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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