How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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