How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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