How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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