How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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