How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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