How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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