How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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