How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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