How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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