How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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