How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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