How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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