How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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