How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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