How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.

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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.

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