How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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