How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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