How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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