How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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