How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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