How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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