How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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