How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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