How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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