How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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