How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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