How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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