How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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