How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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