How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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