How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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