How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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