How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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