How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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