How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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