How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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