How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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