How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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