How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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