How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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