How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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