How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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