How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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