How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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