How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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