How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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