How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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