How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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