How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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