How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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