How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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