How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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