How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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