How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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