How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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