How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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