How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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