How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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