How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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