How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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