How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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