How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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