How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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