How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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