How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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