How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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