How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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