How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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