How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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