How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.



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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison

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