How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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