How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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