How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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