How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).


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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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