How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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