How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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