How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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