How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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