How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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