How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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