How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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