How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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