How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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