How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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