How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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