How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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