How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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