How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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