How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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