How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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