How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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