How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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