How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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