How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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