How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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