How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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