How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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