How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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