How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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