How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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