How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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