How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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