How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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