How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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