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How do you catch a tame bird?
The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?
We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?
Donald Trump.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?
Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
A lawn moo-er.
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What goes up and down but never moves?
Stairs.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?
Because it goes good with chips.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a Tuba glue.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces
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