How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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