How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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