How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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