How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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