How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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