How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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