How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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