How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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