How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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