How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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