How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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