How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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