How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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