How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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