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How do you catch a tame bird?
The tame way, unique up on it!
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?
He decomposes.
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Where do mice park their boats?
At the hickory dickory dock.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did Delaware?
A New Jersey.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.
She was wearing massive gloves.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?
One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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