How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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