How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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