How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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