How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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