How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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