How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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