How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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