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How do you catch a tame bird?
The tame way, unique up on it!
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?
2 years old.
Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
It's a total rip-off.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It turned itself in.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?
The banana split
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?
Juan by Juan.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
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