How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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