How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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