How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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