How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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