How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!

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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine

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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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