How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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