How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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