How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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