How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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