How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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