How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).

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