How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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