How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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