How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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A seal walks into a club...
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