How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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