How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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