How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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