How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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A seal walks into a club...
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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