How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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