How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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