How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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