How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.

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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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