How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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