How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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