How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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