How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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