How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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