How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis

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