How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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