How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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