How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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