How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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