How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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