How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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