How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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