How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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