How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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