How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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