How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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