How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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