How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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