How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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