How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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