How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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