How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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