How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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