How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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