How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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