How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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