How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!

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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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