How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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