How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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