How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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