How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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