How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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