How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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