How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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