How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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