How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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