How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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