How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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