How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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