How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.

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