How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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