How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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