How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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