How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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