How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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