How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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