How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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