How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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