How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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