How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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