How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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