How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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