How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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