How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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