How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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