How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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