How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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