How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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