How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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