How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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