How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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