How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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