How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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