How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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A seal walks into a club...
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