How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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