How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many BBS jokers does it take to tell yet another LBJ?

1,622. One to tell the original joke, and the rest to submit give some minor variation of it! For example:
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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