How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink

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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.

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