How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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