How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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