How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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