How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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