How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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