How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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