How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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