How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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