How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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