How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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