How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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