How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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