How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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