How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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