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How do you fix a broken vegetable?
With tomato paste.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.
I can hardly contain myself.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?
By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?
"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?
Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?
A milkshake
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
Use a pen.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?
To get to the baaaaarber shop
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