How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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