How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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