How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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