How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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