How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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