How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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