How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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