How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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