How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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