How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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