How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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