How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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