How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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