How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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