How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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