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How do you fix a broken vegetable?
With tomato paste.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
It's time to go to sweep.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?
Juan by Juan.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?
Because Mercury moved in.
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What country makes you shiver?
Chile.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?
You crack me up!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?
Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?
A swordfish
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
Breaking up is hard to do.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?
A cheetah
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