How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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