How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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