How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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