How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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