How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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