How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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