How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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