How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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