How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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