How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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