How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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