How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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