How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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