How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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