How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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