How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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