How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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