How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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