How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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