How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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