How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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