How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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