How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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