How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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