How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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