How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.

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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.

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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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