How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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