How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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