How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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