How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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