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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?
Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.
I can hardly contain myself.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?
Santa paws!!!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?
The Presidential Seal.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
Holly Davidson.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?
Happy Owl-ween!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?
To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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