How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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