How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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