How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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