How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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