How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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