How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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