How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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