How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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