How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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