How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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