How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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