How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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