How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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