How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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