How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.


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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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