How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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