How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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