How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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