How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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