How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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