How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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