How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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