How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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