How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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