How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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