How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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