How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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