How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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