How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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