How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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