How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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