How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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