How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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