How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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