How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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