How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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