How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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