How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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