How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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