How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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