How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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