How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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