How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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