How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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