How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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