How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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