How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

Itís a little fishy.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!

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