How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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