How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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