How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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