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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?
Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.
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How do you make a rock float?
Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?
A fire cracker
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Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Plug its nose.
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What's black and white and red all over?
A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you call a messy hippo?
A hippopota-mess
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth
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