How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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