How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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