How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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