How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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