How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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