How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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