How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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