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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel
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When did the fly fly?
When the spider spied her!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
BaNa2
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