How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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