How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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