How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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