How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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