How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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