How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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