How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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