How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!

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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!

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