How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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