How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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