How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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