How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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