How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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