How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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