How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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