How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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