How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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