How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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