How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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