How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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