How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?


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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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