How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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