How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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