How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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