How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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