How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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