How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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