How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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