How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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