How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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