How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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