How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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