How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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