How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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