How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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