How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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