How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"


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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated

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