How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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