How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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