How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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