How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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