How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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