How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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