How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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