How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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