How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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