How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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