How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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