How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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