How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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