How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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