How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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