How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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