How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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