How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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