How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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