How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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