How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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