How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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