How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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