How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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