How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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