How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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