How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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