How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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