How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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