How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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