How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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