How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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