How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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