How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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