How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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