How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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