How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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