How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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