How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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