How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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