How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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