How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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