How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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