How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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