How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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