How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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