How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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