How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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