How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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