How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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