How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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