How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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