How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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