How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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