How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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