How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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