How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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