How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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