How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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