How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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