How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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