How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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