How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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