How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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