How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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