How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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