How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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