How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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