How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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