How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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