How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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