How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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