How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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