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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?
Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
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What washes up on small beaches?
Microwaves.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No I deer
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?
A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?
She wanted to reach the high notes!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".
I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?
From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?
A buff-a-loan
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?
It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?
Oinkment.
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