How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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