How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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