How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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