How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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