How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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