How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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