How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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