How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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