How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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