How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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