How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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