How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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