How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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