How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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