How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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