How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.

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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.

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