How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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