How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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