How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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