How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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