How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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