How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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