How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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