How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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