How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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