How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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