How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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