How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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