How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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