How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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