How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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