How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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