How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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