How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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