How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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