How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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