How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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