How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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