How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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