How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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