How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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