How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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