How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.

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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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