How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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