How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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