How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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