How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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