How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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