How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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