How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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