How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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