How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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