How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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