How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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