How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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