How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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