How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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