How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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