How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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