How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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