How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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