How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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