How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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