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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?
Cause your the only one Hair.
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What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?
Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?
A river.
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What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, it just waved.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?
Happy Owl-ween!
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