How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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