How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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