How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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