How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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