How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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