How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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