How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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