How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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