How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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