How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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