How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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