How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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