How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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