How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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