How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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