How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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