How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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