How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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