How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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