How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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