How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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