How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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