How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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