How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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