How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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