How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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