How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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