How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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