How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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