How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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