How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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