How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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