How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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