How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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