How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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