How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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