How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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