How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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