How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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