How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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