How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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