How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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