How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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