How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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