How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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