How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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