How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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