How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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