How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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