How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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