How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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