How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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