How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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