How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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