How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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