How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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