How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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