How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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