How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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