How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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