How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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