How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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