How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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