How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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