How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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