How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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