How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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