How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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