How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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