How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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