How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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