How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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