How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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