How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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