How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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