How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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