How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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