How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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