How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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