How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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