How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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