How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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