How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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