How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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