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How do you make a fire with two sticks?
Make sure one is a match!
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?
I'm all spaced out!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
2 Na
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What do you give a sick bird?
Tweetment.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?
Because it gave him a big wave!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?
Every year!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.
I've lost three days already.
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Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!
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