How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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