How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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