How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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