How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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