How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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