How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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