How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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