How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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