How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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