How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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