How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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