How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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