How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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