How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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