How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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