How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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