How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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