How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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