How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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