How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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