How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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