How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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