How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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