How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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