How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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