How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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