How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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