How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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