How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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