How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.

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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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