How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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