How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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