How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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