How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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