How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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