How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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