How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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