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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?
Start with two million.
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What has holes all over and holds water?
A sponge!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in there.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?
Caerphilly.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with
but I've been trippin' all day.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.
The guardians of the galaxy!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?
Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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