How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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