How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog

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