How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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