How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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