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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?
Start with two million.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?
Carlos.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?
The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?
They stamp their feet.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?
It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A tree in a golden forest.
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