How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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