How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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