How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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