How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan

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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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