How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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