How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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