How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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