How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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