How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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