How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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