How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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