How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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