How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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