How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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