How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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