How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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