How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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