How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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