How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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