How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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