How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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