How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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