How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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