How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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