How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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