How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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