How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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