How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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