How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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