How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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