How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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